How many times do we try to mold ourselves into something that we’re not? Or, try to convince ourselves to be a certain way in order to fit in, to try to please someone else, or to be the person that we think we should be or that we feel others want us to be. It becomes a habit for us to “try to be” in order to make other people feel more comfortable around us or to give us the false sense of fitting in.
But, oh what a distorted illusion that whole “trying to be” thing is.
It doesn’t feel good. It never feels quite right. Even if you successfully do it well a few times, eventually it wears on you and you just want to say, Yuck! You want to wipe off all the fakeness that’s layered itself on you in an effort to fit in and be like everyone else. The irony is that everyone else is trying to be like everyone else, so who is left being real in the room? In the end you’re trying to fit in with a whole bunch of other people who are also trying to fit in, so it’s just a circle of madness with a whole lot of unrealness mixed in!
When did we become so afraid to be who we really are? I often think back to those high school days when everyone was wearing the same ole’ thing, everyone wanted to do the same “in” things, and everyone wanted to use the same cool words to fit in. No one really makes a point to shift us away from this during those years, instead we hear that our individuality will start to shine through as we get older and shift into our more independent adult selves. Why the hold up? When we get used to trying to be like everyone else, it’s not so easy to shift out of that. Sure a little more of who we are does start to appear and shine through as we get older, but some of that yuck from our yesteryears of trying to be like everyone else is still going to be there. It unknowingly latches itself on to us and doesn’t magically go away simply because we’ve turned 18, 25, 30…or 40.
So, what needs to happen? What do we each need to do? It starts with really believing that it’s okay to be who you really are. I mean really, truly, deep down in your belly believe it. It’s so easy to hear that and to think; well of course I’m being who I really am. But, I really want you to take a moment to think about it: Are you really? You have to come from a place of being completely honest with yourself for a shift to happen. When we are able to do that, it makes showing up in full you gear a whole lot easier. What’s full you gear? Well, you get to define that – it’s who you truly are.
Being in full you gear also comes with knowing, understanding and accepting that everyone may not always like what they see – and that’s okay. You don’t need a stamp of approval from every person on Earth. If you live for that, you’ll really get lost in trying to shift and change to make this person happy and that person happy. In the end you’ll come out not knowing who you really are because you’ve spent so much time shifting into what you think other people want to see or what might make someone else feel more comfortable around you. Enough of that! It’s time to let that go.
As you begin to identify what your you gear looks like, be sure to keep in mind that none of this happens overnight so don’t be so hard on yourself. We’ve spent years becoming accustomed to trying to please others, trying to fit in and trying to look and act a certain way. It’ll take time to get to know yourself, who you really are and how you want to show up in the world. And, it takes work and commitment. Just remember, you’re worth it and the world wants you to be you. Be patient with yourself as you work to discover who you really are, and don’t be attached to the mistakes you make along the way.
Just be as you are, and rock that full you gear!